As You Like It: Act 5, Scene 4
Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS,
JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, CELIA.
DUKE SENIOR
1 Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
2 Can do all this that he hath promised?
ORLANDO
3 I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
4 As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.
Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE.
ROSALIND
5 Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd:
6 You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
7 You will bestow her on Orlando here?
DUKE SENIOR
8 That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
ROSALIND
9 And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?
ORLANDO
10 That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
ROSALIND
11 You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?
PHEBE
12 That will I, should I die the hour after.
ROSALIND
13 But if you do refuse to marry me,
14 You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?
PHEBE
15 So is the bargain.
ROSALIND
16 You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will?
SILVIUS
17 Though to have her and death were both one thing.
ROSALIND
18 I have promised to make all this matter even.
19 Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter;
20 You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:
21 Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
22 Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
23 Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
24 If she refuse me: and from hence I go,
25 To make these doubts all even.
Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA.
DUKE SENIOR
26 I do remember in this shepherd boy
27 Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
ORLANDO
28 My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
29 Methought he was a brother to your daughter:
30 But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
31 And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
32 Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
33 Whom he reports to be a great magician,
34 Obscured in the circle of this forest.
Enter Clown [TOUCHSTONE] and AUDREY.
JAQUES
35 There is, sure, another flood toward, and these
36 couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
37 very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called
38 fools.
TOUCHSTONE
39 Salutation and greeting to you all!
JAQUES
40 Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the
41 motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met
42 in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.
TOUCHSTONE
43 If any man doubt that, let him put me to my
44 purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered
45 a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth
46 with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I
47 have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
JAQUES
48 And how was that ta'en up?
TOUCHSTONE
49 Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon
50 the seventh cause.
JAQUES
51 How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this
52 fellow.
DUKE SENIOR
53 I like him very well.
TOUCHSTONE
54 God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I
55 press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
56 copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according
57 as marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin,
58 sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
59 humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else
60 will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a
61 poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
DUKE SENIOR
62 By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
TOUCHSTONE
63 According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet
64 diseases.
JAQUES
65 But, for the seventh cause; how did you find
66 the quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE
67 Upon a lie seven times removed—bear your
68 body more seeming, Audrey—as thus, sir. I
69 did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard:
70 he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut
71 well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the
72 Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again 'it was
73 not well cut,' he would send me word, he cut it
74 to please himself: this is called the Quip Modest.
75 If again 'it was not well cut,' he disabled my
76 judgment: this is called the Reply Churlish. If
77 again 'it was not well cut,' he would answer, I
78 spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant.
79 If again 'it was not well cut,' he would say I lied:
80 this is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome:
81 and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie
82 Direct.
JAQUES
83 And how oft did you say his beard was not well
84 cut?
TOUCHSTONE
85 I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
86 nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we
87 measured swords and parted.
JAQUES
88 Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the
89 lie?
TOUCHSTONE
90 O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have
91 books for good manners: I will name you the degrees.
92 The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the
93 Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the
94 fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
95 Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with
96 Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All
97 these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may
98 avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven
99 justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the
100 parties were met themselves, one of them thought
101 but of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so;' and
102 they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the
103 only peacemaker; much virtue in If.
JAQUES
104 Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as good at
105 any thing and yet a fool.
DUKE SENIOR
106 He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and under
107 the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
*** Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA.
Still Music.
HYMEN
108 Then is there mirth in heaven,
109 When earthly things made even
110 Atone together.
111 Good duke, receive thy daughter
112 Hymen from heaven brought her,
113 Yea, brought her hither,
114 That thou mightst join her hand with his
115 Whose heart within his bosom is.
ROSALIND
[To Duke Senior.]
116 To you I give myself, for I am yours.
[To Orlando.]
117 To you I give myself, for I am yours.
DUKE SENIOR
118 If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
ORLANDO
119 If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
PHEBE
120 If sight and shape be true,
121 Why then, my love adieu!
ROSALIND
[To Duke Senior.]
122 I'll have no father, if you be not he:
[To Orlando.]
123 I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
[To Phebe.]
124 Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
HYMEN
125 Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
126 'Tis I must make conclusion
127 Of these most strange events:
128 Here's eight that must take hands
129 To join in Hymen's bands,
130 If truth holds true contents.
[To Orlando and Rosalind.]
131 You and you no cross shall part:
[To Oliver and Celia.]
132 You and you are heart in heart
[To Phebe.]
133 You to his love must accord,
134 Or have a woman to your lord:
[To Touchstone and Audrey.]
135 You and you are sure together,
136 As the winter to foul weather.
[To all four couples.]
137 Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
138 Feed yourselves with questioning;
139 That reason wonder may diminish,
140 How thus we met, and these things finish.
SONG
141 Wedding is great Juno's crown:
142 O blessed bond of board and bed!
143 'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
144 High wedlock then be honoured:
145 Honour, high honour and renown,
146 To Hymen, god of every town!
DUKE SENIOR
147 O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
148 Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.
PHEBE
149 I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
150 Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
Enter Second Brother [JAQUES DE BOYS].
JAQUES DE BOYS
151 Let me have audience for a word or two:
152 I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
153 That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
154 Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
155 Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
156 Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
157 In his own conduct, purposely to take
158 His brother here and put him to the sword:
159 And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;
160 Where meeting with an old religious man,
161 After some question with him, was converted
162 Both from his enterprise and from the world,
163 His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
164 And all their lands restored to them again
165 That were with him exiled. This to be true,
166 I do engage my life.
DUKE SENIOR
166 Welcome, young man;
167 Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
168 To one his lands withheld, and to the other
169 A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
170 First, in this forest, let us do those ends
171 That here were well begun and well begot:
172 And after, every of this happy number
173 That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
174 Shall share the good of our returned fortune,
175 According to the measure of their states.
176 Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
177 And fall into our rustic revelry.
178 Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all,
179 With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.
JAQUES
180 Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
181 The duke hath put on a religious life
182 And thrown into neglect the pompous court?
JAQUES DE BOYS
183 He hath.
JAQUES
184 To him will I : out of these convertites
185 There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.
[To DUKE SENIOR.]
186 You to your former honour I bequeath;
187 Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:
[To ORLANDO.]
188 You to a love that your true faith doth merit:
[To OLIVER.]
189 You to your land and love and great allies:
[To SILVIUS.]
190 You to a long and well-deserved bed:
[To TOUCHSTONE.]
191 And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
192 Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your pleasures:
193 I am for other than for dancing measures.
DUKE SENIOR
194 Stay, Jaques, stay.
JAQUES
195 To see no pastime I. What you would have
196 I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave.
Exit.
