As You Like It: Act 5, Scene 4
Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS,
JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, CELIA.
1Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
2Can do all this that he hath promised?
3I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
4As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.
Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE.
5Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd:
6You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
7You will bestow her on Orlando here?
8That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
9And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?
10That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
11You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?
12That will I, should I die the hour after.
13But if you do refuse to marry me,
14You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?
15So is the bargain.
16You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will?
17Though to have her and death were both one thing.
18I have promised to make all this matter even.
19Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter;
20You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:
21Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
22Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
23Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
24If she refuse me: and from hence I go,
25To make these doubts all even.
Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA.
26I do remember in this shepherd boy
27Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
28My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
29Methought he was a brother to your daughter:
30But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
31And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
32Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
33Whom he reports to be a great magician,
34Obscured in the circle of this forest.
Enter Clown [TOUCHSTONE] and AUDREY.
35There is, sure, another flood toward, and these
36couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
37very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called
39Salutation and greeting to you all!
40Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the
41motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met
42in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.
43If any man doubt that, let him put me to my
44purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered
45a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth
46with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I
47have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
48And how was that ta'en up?
49Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon
50the seventh cause.
51How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this
53I like him very well.
54God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I
55press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
56copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according
57as marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin,
58sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
59humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else
60will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a
61poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
62By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
63According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet
65But, for the seventh cause; how did you find
66the quarrel on the seventh cause?
67Upon a lie seven times removedbear your
68body more seeming, Audreyas thus, sir. I
69did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard:
70he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut
71well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the
72Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again 'it was
73not well cut,' he would send me word, he cut it
74to please himself: this is called the Quip Modest.
75If again 'it was not well cut,' he disabled my
76judgment: this is called the Reply Churlish. If
77again 'it was not well cut,' he would answer, I
78spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant.
79If again 'it was not well cut,' he would say I lied:
80this is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome:
81and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie
83And how oft did you say his beard was not well
85I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
86nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we
87measured swords and parted.
88Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the
90O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have
91books for good manners: I will name you the degrees.
92The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the
93Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the
94fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
95Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with
96Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All
97these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may
98avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven
99justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the
100parties were met themselves, one of them thought
101but of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so;' and
102they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the
103only peacemaker; much virtue in If.
104Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as good at
105any thing and yet a fool.
106He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and under
107the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
***Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA.
108Then is there mirth in heaven,
109When earthly things made even
111Good duke, receive thy daughter
112Hymen from heaven brought her,
113Yea, brought her hither,
114That thou mightst join her hand with his
115Whose heart within his bosom is.
[To Duke Senior.]
116To you I give myself, for I am yours.
117To you I give myself, for I am yours.
118If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
119If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
120If sight and shape be true,
121Why then, my love adieu!
[To Duke Senior.]
122I'll have no father, if you be not he:
123I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
124Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
125Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
126'Tis I must make conclusion
127Of these most strange events:
128Here's eight that must take hands
129To join in Hymen's bands,
130If truth holds true contents.
[To Orlando and Rosalind.]
131You and you no cross shall part:
[To Oliver and Celia.]
132You and you are heart in heart
133You to his love must accord,
134Or have a woman to your lord:
[To Touchstone and Audrey.]
135You and you are sure together,
136As the winter to foul weather.
[To all four couples.]
137Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
138Feed yourselves with questioning;
139That reason wonder may diminish,
140How thus we met, and these things finish.
141Wedding is great Juno's crown:
142O blessed bond of board and bed!
143'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
144High wedlock then be honoured:
145Honour, high honour and renown,
146To Hymen, god of every town!
147O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
148Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.
149I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
150Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
Enter Second Brother [JAQUES DE BOYS].
JAQUES DE BOYS
151Let me have audience for a word or two:
152I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
153That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
154Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
155Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
156Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
157In his own conduct, purposely to take
158His brother here and put him to the sword:
159And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;
160Where meeting with an old religious man,
161After some question with him, was converted
162Both from his enterprise and from the world,
163His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
164And all their lands restored to them again
165That were with him exiled. This to be true,
166I do engage my life.
166Welcome, young man;
167Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
168To one his lands withheld, and to the other
169A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
170First, in this forest, let us do those ends
171That here were well begun and well begot:
172And after, every of this happy number
173That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
174Shall share the good of our returned fortune,
175According to the measure of their states.
176Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
177And fall into our rustic revelry.
178Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all,
179With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.
180Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
181The duke hath put on a religious life
182And thrown into neglect the pompous court?
JAQUES DE BOYS
184To him will I : out of these convertites
185There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.
[To DUKE SENIOR.]
186You to your former honour I bequeath;
187Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:
188You to a love that your true faith doth merit:
189You to your land and love and great allies:
190You to a long and well-deserved bed:
191And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
192Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your pleasures:
193I am for other than for dancing measures.
194Stay, Jaques, stay.
195To see no pastime I. What you would have
196I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave.