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GRUMIO
1 Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters,
2 and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten?
3 was ever man so rayed? was ever man so
4 weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and
5 they are coming after to warm them. Now,
6 were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very
7 lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to
8 the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly,
9 ere I should come by a fire to thaw me: but
10 I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself;
11 for, considering the weather, a taller man
12 than I will take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis.
CURTIS
13 Who is that calls so coldly?
GRUMIO
14 A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst
15 slide from my shoulder to my heel with no
16 greater a run but my head and my neck.
17 A fire good Curtis.
CURTIS
18 Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO
19 O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast
20 on no water.
CURTIS
21 Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
GRUMIO
22 She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but,
23 thou knowest, winter tames man, woman
24 and beast; for it hath tamed my old master
25 and my new mistress and myself, fellow Curtis.
CURTIS
26 Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
GRUMIO
27 Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot;
28 and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make
29 a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress,
30 whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt
31 soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in
32 thy hot office?
CURTIS
33 I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the
34 world?
GRUMIO
35 A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine;
36 and therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy
37 duty; for my master and mistress are almost
38 frozen to death.
CURTIS
39 There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio,
40 the news.
GRUMIO
41 Why, "Jack, boy! ho! boy!" and as much news
42 as wilt thou.
CURTIS
43 Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
GRUMIO
44 Why, therefore fire; for I have caught
45 extreme cold. Where's the cook? is supper
46 ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed,
47 cobwebs swept; the serving-men in their new fustian,
48 their white stockings, and every officer his
49 wedding-garment on? Be the jacks fair within, the
50 jills fair without, the carpets laid, and every thing
51 in order?
CURTIS
52 All ready; and therefore, I pray thee,
53 news.
GRUMIO
54 First, know, my horse is tired; my master
55 and mistress fallen out.
GRUMIO
57 Out of their saddles into the dirt; and
58 thereby hangs a tale.
CURTIS
59 Let's ha't, good Grumio.
CURTIS
63 This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
GRUMIO
64 And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale: and
65 this cuff was but to knock at your ear, and
66 beseech listening. Now I begin: Imprimis,
67 we came down a foul hill, my master riding
68 behind my mistress—
GRUMIO
70 What's that to thee?
GRUMIO
72 Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not
73 cross'd me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse
74 fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst
75 have heard in how miry a place, how she was
76 bemoil'd, how he left her with the horse upon
77 her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled,
78 how she waded through the dirt to pluck him
79 off me, how he swore, how she prayed, that never
80 prayed before, how I cried, how the horses ran
81 away, how her bridle was burst, how I lost my
82 crupper, with many things of worthy memory,
83 which now shall die in oblivion and thou return
84 unexperienced to thy grave.
CURTIS
85 By this reckoning he is more shrew than
86 she.
GRUMIO
87 Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall
88 find when he comes home. But what talk I of this?
89 Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip,
90 Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be
91 sleekly combed their blue coats brushed and their
92 garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy
93 with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair
94 of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their
95 hands. Are they all ready?
CURTIS
98 Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to
99 countenance my mistress.
GRUMIO
100 Why, she hath a face of her own.
CURTIS
101 Who knows not that?
GRUMIO
102 Thou, it seems, that calls for company to
103 countenance her.
CURTIS
104 I call them forth to credit her.
Enter four or five SERVINGMEN.
GRUMIO
105 Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
NATHANIEL
106 Welcome home, Grumio!
NATHANIEL
110 How now, old lad?
GRUMIO
111 Welcome, you;—how now, you;—what,
112 you;—fellow, you;—and thus much
113 for greeting. Now, my spruce companions,
114 is all ready, and all things neat?
NATHANIEL
115 All things is ready. How near is our
116 master?
GRUMIO
117 E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore
118 be not—Cock's passion, silence! I hear my
119 master.
PETRUCHIO
120 Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
121 To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
122 Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?
ALL SERVANTS
123 Here, here, sir; here, sir.
PETRUCHIO
124 Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
125 You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
126 What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
127 Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
GRUMIO
128 Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
PETRUCHIO
129 You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
130 Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
131 And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
GRUMIO
132 Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
133 And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel;
134 There was no link to colour Peter's hat,
135 And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing:
136 There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
137 The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
138 Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
PETRUCHIO
139 Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.
140 "Where is the life that late I led—141 Where are those"—
142 Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud, soud!143 Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.144 Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?145 "It was the friar of orders grey,146 As he forth walked on his way"—147 Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:148 Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.149 Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!150 Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,151 And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:152 One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.153 Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?154 Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.155 You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
KATHARINA
156 Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.
PETRUCHIO
157 A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!
158 Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
159 Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
160 What's this? mutton?
First Servant
160 Ay.
PETRUCHIO
161 'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
162 What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
163 How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
164 And serve it thus to me that love it not?
165 There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;
[Throws the trenchers, etc. at them.]
166 You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!167 What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.
KATHARINA
168 I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
169 The meat was well, if you were so contented.
PETRUCHIO
170 I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away;
171 And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
172 For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
173 And better 'twere that both of us did fast,
174 Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
175 Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
176 Be patient; tomorrow 't shall be mended,
177 And, for this night, we'll fast for company:
178 Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
NATHANIEL
179 Peter, didst ever see the like?
PETER
180 He kills her in her own humor.
CURTIS
182 In her chamber, making a sermon of
183 continency to her;
184 And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
185 Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
186 And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
187 Away, away! for he is coming hither.
PETRUCHIO
188 Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
189 And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
190 My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
191 And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
192 For then she never looks upon her lure.
193 Another way I have to man my haggard,
194 To make her come and know her keeper's call,
195 That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
196 That bate and beat and will not be obedient.
197 She eat no meat today, nor none shall eat;
198 Last night she slept not, nor tonight she shall not;
199 As with the meat, some undeserved fault
200 I'll find about the making of the bed;
201 And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
202 This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:
203 Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
204 That all is done in reverend care of her;
205 And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
206 And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl
207 And with the clamour keep her still awake.
208 This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
209 And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humor.
210 He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
211 Now let him speak: 'tis charity to shew.
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